Darbi’s Diary: Sorority House Quarantine Edition
Dear Diary,
It’s day 8 of mandatory quarantine in the sorority house, and I’m already losing it. Writing in this diary is my last hope before I do something regrettable, like when my sorority sisters so kindly posted a mask-free cuddle puddle pic on Bid Day.
Today, I woke up to find out the house chef was quarantined elsewhere, and our Sam’s Club order hasn’t been placed yet. Our house mom is too busy with her second job trying to teach kindergartners how to read over Zoom. So for now, the only breakfast items I have to eat are some expired Uncrustables I hid in the freezer during last year’s recruitment. If I concentrate hard enough, the jelly tastes just like the wine I had on my study abroad last summer.
During my 11:10 French lecture, it was my turn to introduce myself to the class. Just as I unmuted my mic to say “Bonjour,” Tara Talgotta burst into our study room to say her test came back negative. I’ll be honest, diary, I’m not sure which test she’s talking about, but I’m happy for her.
Since then, the only place I have been able to find some peace and quiet was in a shower stall in the communal bathroom. Normally I would be disgusted, but the hair left on the shower walls is the same hair color as that cute guy in Sigma Phi, and it’s comforting to hope he might text me again after he told me he was taking a shower and then never responded.
Diary, if I don’t make it out of this quarantine with my sanity, I have one message for my fellow students: Actually read those emails you get every other day from the university. Wearing a mask, social distancing, or just staying at home could save you from the trauma I am experiencing.
Well, I’ve got to run — the house boys are trying to escape again.
See you on the other side,
Darbi Deckchee
— Dead Pullout Society
For some people, another day means another dollar. But Dead Pullout Society views each day as a chance to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. After getting fired from his last job, he decided to come back to school. Somewhere along the way, he joined our org. He brings fresh energy to the team, but sometimes it’s a little too much — he keeps ripping up our books and won’t talk at meetings unless he’s standing on a table.