Unhappy Corps Member Could Quit
Last week, senior cadet Andre Barron discovered that he was not contracted to Corps of Cadets service and could end his membership at any time. This discovery came in stark contrast to his long-held opinion that he was being forced into servitude by the repressive organization.
“It’s been four long years,” said Barron, feeling relieved and embarrassed after discovering his inborn freedom. Barron followed this statement with a short message to his outfit’s group text. In the message, he explained to others how to exercise their newfound liberation.
At press time, however, Barron stated that he would continue his participation in the Corps. When asked why he would continue, Barron explained that the opportunities to complain were too valuable to pass up.
— Homewrecking Crew
Gentlemen, lock up your girlfriends, Homewrecking Crew is out on the town tonight. He’s tall, brutishly handsome and has a smile that can melt even the most loyal of girl’s hearts. Rumor has it that making prolonged contact with those dreamy eyes can make a relationship that lasted since high school dissolve into obscurity. So if you’re hoping to give her that ring by spring, make sure you keep her safe from Homewrecking Crew!