Professor Requires Duel as New Method of Regrading
After countless years spent being yelled at during office hours by students hoping to receive points back on tests and assignments, Math 152 professor John Leopard changed his regrading policy this semester. Instead of allowing students to argue for a higher grade, he will instead permit students to challenge him to a duel.
“I used to let students come in during office hours to fight for points through words, but the arguments just got way out of hand,” Leopard said. “I find a physical duel is less harmful to me than their harsh words and tones.”
Many students have admitted to desperately submitting multiple regrade requests to gain back one or two lost points, despite understanding that they clearly got everything wrong. After witnessing Professor Leopard’s new daily sword fighting practices, students have begun to worry.
“I’m going to miss being able to go yell at him that my assignment was on time even though the time stamp says three weeks later,” sophomore Julius Purple said.
It is still to be determined whether or not this new strategy for negotiating student grades will be effective in reducing unnecessary requests.
— Midnight Smell
From the depths of the steam tunnels, cartoonishly green scent waves begin to emanate. They wrap around the live oaks, the leaves turning brown and dropping dead with a faint wail. Wait, it looks like someone’s coming out of the tunnel… oh holy shit. It’s your freshman engineering lab partner, and he still hasn’t showered! You try to run, but it’s too late. The cartoon scent waves grab your ankles and drag you screaming into the steam tunnels. Midnight Smell has struck again.