Garage Full For Everyone Except You
A new study conducted by Transportation Services has shown that despite visible signage indicating otherwise, parking garages on campus are full for everyone except you.
The study was conducted over a period of two semesters to most accurately mimic the length of time any particular student will have an in-demand pass such as Cain or Koldus. Findings show that even when the bright neon sign reads “full,” there will be a space reserved especially for you inside the garage.
Transportation Services recommends pulling your Ford F-150 as tightly as possible into the ticketing area. The large sign that says the garage is full will apply to everyone except you, so you are advised to disregard it completely. If you are able to back up traffic by eight cars or more, the ticketing machine will understand the urgency of your passage and permit entry. This maneuver is most successful in the ten minutes before class starts, particularly when it is raining outside.
— Ring Chunks
No, Ring Chunks is feeling fine, really. Yeah, it was a long journey to the bottom of the pitcher, but she knew that coming into her dunk. That’s why she made sure to let it sit overnight and pick a light beer she didn’t care for and – oh. Oh no. Um, okay, let’s just move her here to the trash can – wait, why is it full? Oh God, Ring Chunks, just keep it together until we can reach the toilet – NO! NOT IN THE KITCHEN SINK!