Students Claim Tinder Hookup Follows Social Distancing Protocol
This past Friday, sophomore civil engineering major Jane Dorne broke shelter-in-place protocol to meet up with junior computer science major Ralph Johnston. The two met on popular dating app Tinder the week before and decided to have a romantic rendezvous.
Dorne and Johnston met at Johnston’s one-bedroom apartment in lieu of a public setting to both minimize the chance of contracting COVID-19 and avoid giving off the impression that either was looking for a relationship at this time. The two fully accepted the risk of contracting the coronavirus, claiming that the absence of human contact scared them more. Despite Johnston having a crippling nicotine addiction and Dorne’s habit of smoking cigarettes when drunk, both maintain that they are healthy young adults with little risk of developing more serious symptoms of COVID-19.
Dorne left for Johnston’s apartment around 9 p.m. and returned to her apartment at 2:30 a.m., much to the dismay of her roommate, Elizabeth Velasquez. At the beginning of the COVID-19 outbreak, Velazquez held a discussion with Dorne and asked her to avoid bringing romantic partners to the apartment and to take social distancing seriously. According to Velazquez, Dorne took the conversation as a personal attack and accused the immunocompromised Velasquez of impeding her freedom.
Dorne stands by her opinion that the interaction was considered social distancing. “It’s not like we were even being social,” Dorne said. “We barely said a word to each other.”
— I Took a Pill in Sbisa
What’s Chartwells serving today? More pasta? Better get in line before –– hey! That guy just cut in front of you! You start to tap him on the shoulder and ask just what the hell he thinks he’s doing, but then you see it: The grown-out platinum hair. The arm decked out in kandi bracelets. The pinpoint pupils. It’s I Took a Pill in Sbisa! He looks at you –– no, through you –– and glides away.