New Roommates Weird and Old
Due to COVID-19 and the suspension of in-person classes for the spring 2020 semester, many students have moved back home with their families indefinitely. Joe McConnell, a freshman English major, has reported that his new roommates are kind of weird and old.
Joe’s new roommates, Beth and Steve McConnell, have been married for 19 years and are in their late fifties. On their roommate selection form, they have described themselves as “fun and chill,” “not okay with drugs and alcohol,” “morning birds,” “neat freaks,” and having “traditional values.”
“They’re freaks. I’m telling you — they have a single glass of wine with dinner and then switch to water,” McConnell said. “I used to try to be considerate when my roommate wanted me out of the dorm so he could have sex, but now it just feels weird when my dad asks me to leave.”
McConnell has announced his plans to communicate better with his new roommates and to loop Grandma in for conflict resolution if any further issues arise.
— Ring Chunks
No, Ring Chunks is feeling fine, really. Yeah, it was a long journey to the bottom of the pitcher, but she knew that coming into her dunk. That’s why she made sure to let it sit overnight and pick a light beer she didn’t care for and – oh. Oh no. Um, okay, let’s just move her here to the trash can – wait, why is it full? Oh God, Ring Chunks, just keep it together until we can reach the toilet – NO! NOT IN THE KITCHEN SINK!