Texas A&M Debuts Canine Body Farm
This past Monday, university officials announced the designation of the prominent Reveille gravesite as a canine body farm to further research on animal abuse.
The gravesite currently contains the decomposing remains of eight dogs. Despite the efforts of some cadets to smite her with a car in 1931, the first Reveille died in 1944. Her burial began the tradition of entombing dead dogs just north of Kyle Field. Every subsequent Reveille has been buried on campus with the others in an occult ritual that will confuse archaeologists in thousands of years.
Body farms are highly associated with college campuses in the United States. Prior to 2020, the only four body farms in the United States were located at the University of Tennessee, Western Carolina University, Texas State University, and Sam Houston State University. Texas A&M’s canine body farm will be the fifth in the nation and the first to focus solely on canines.
Body farms serve a niche purpose by allowing researchers to study how decomposition progresses under unique circumstances such as homicide or other unusual deaths. For example, a donated body may be wrapped in a tarp and left in the woods over a controlled period of time. Researchers will then use that body as a reference model for establishing the time of death of victims found in similar environmental conditions.
At Texas A&M’s canine body farm, researchers will be studying the grueling effects of forcing Reveilles to watch the Aggies lose season after season.
The scoreboard was initially installed as a way for the deceased first ladies to keep a watchful eye on their boys. In 2019, Texas A&M University’s Institutional Review Board (IRB) concluded that watching the scoreboard during a 7-5 season constitutes animal abuse.
“We’re grateful for the sacrifice of these eight dogs,” researcher Henry Jacobson said. “Their commitment in life and in death to preventing animal abuse is commendable. On the day of the body farm dedication, though, I did notice Reveille IX looking kind of nervous.”
—Ring Chunks
No, Ring Chunks is feeling fine, really. Yeah, it was a long journey to the bottom of the pitcher, but she knew that coming into her dunk. That’s why she made sure to let it sit overnight and pick a light beer she didn’t care for and – oh. Oh no. Um, okay, let’s just move her here to the trash can – wait, why is it full? Oh God, Ring Chunks, just keep it together until we can reach the toilet – NO! NOT IN THE KITCHEN SINK!