The Corps’ Biggest Secret Has FINALLY Been Revealed!
The Texas A&M Corps of Cadets’ biggest secret has finally been revealed, and you won’t believe who they’ve been contracted by!
Recently leaked text messages between General Joe E. Ramirez and Michael K. Young have revealed that the Corps of Cadets is an extension of the Boy Scouts of America. Touted by the BSA as “a continuity program for peons who can’t operate without rules and meaningless awards,” the Corps proudly continues to churn out young men and women of valor who have no ability to self-motivate.
It has also been revealed that the Corps will be offering new ribbons, a continuation of merit badges. Ribbons will be awarded for all sorts of fun new activities like stamp collecting, gardening, and reading in the hopes of encouraging cadets to develop a wide array of neat and equally meaningless skills.
Awards will also be developed for specific outfits. Cadets in E-2 can look forward to earning ribbons for dog care, cadets in band outfits can work to earn “Young Mozart” ribbons, and cadets in Squadron 17 can enroll in special courses that will teach them the names of the women on the Challenger rocket, earning them an award for basic historical knowledge.
Rewarding cadets for participation in menial tasks is a proud tradition at Texas A&M University that will continue so long as the brave men and women in uniform can read and write at a basic level.
— Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.