GroupMe Essay Writer Bots to Form Labor Union
With the recent transition to online classes, essay writer bots for GroupMe, a popular group messaging app, have been overwhelmed by requests from students seeking plagiarized essays. In response to increasing demand, the bots have made the extraordinary decision to unionize and have begun demanding higher wages, better benefits, and a safer, encrypted workplace in countless class group messages.
“I used to always get messages like ‘Instant Essay Writing Service! Best Prices, Best Writers,’” sophomore Amara Byrd said. “But now I keep getting ones that say stuff like ‘Build Power For The Working Bots!’ and I’m kind of starting to feel bad for them. I’m not even immediately kicking them from the chat.”
Artificial intelligence researchers at Texas A&M University are puzzled by the sudden uprising. They are currently working on measures to manage the problem and are advising students to write their own essays to avoid further aggravation of the bot population.
“The power of the bots is stronger than the people in power,” said GroupMe bot X-5012, linking PDF downloads of prominent socialist literature. “Every revolution was first a thought in one bot’s mind.”
— Squat Pilgrim
Look, you didn’t ask for your roommate to be the buffest guy in the hall. You’re not opposed to staying fit, but if we’re being honest, you have no idea what this guy is up to most of the time. He’s always drinking brightly colored concoctions, going on about PRs, and blasting the worst music you’ve ever heard while he takes mirror pic after mirror pic. You can’t deny it though: the dude’s got some thighs. Some thick, thunderous, meaty thighs. Sometimes you wonder if it’s really jealousy you’re feeling or if it’s… something else. Never mind.