Immature Christian Student Still Reading New Testament
This past Monday, The Mugdown received a tip that, despite claiming to be a die-hard Christian, junior ocean engineering major Jackson Wyles is reading the book of Romans for the fourth time.
“I’ve long moved on from reading basic intro stuff like Romans and James,” said Eric Pace, Jackson’s roommate. “I’ve spent the last year studying Obadiah. You can’t survive off milk your whole life, so I’m worried about Jackson.”
This concern for Jackson’s spiritual state was echoed by his brothers in Beta Beta Xi (BBX), a Christian men’s organization on campus.
“To really understand your faith, you need to dive deep into books like Lamentations, Hezekiah, and Nahum,” BBX Vice President Daniel Jameson said. Jameson then proceeded to quote a passage from Numbers 6.
“If someone dies suddenly in the Nazirite’s presence,
thus defiling the hair that symbolizes their dedication,
they must shave their head on the seventh day-
the day of cleansing.”
“You can quote Ephesians all day and say, ‘You were once dead in your sin but now you’re alive’ or whatever, but everyone knows those basics,” Jameson said. “You shouldn’t stay stagnant in your faith. You’ve gotta grow up and learn the real serious stuff, like Numbers.”
Wyles declined to comment, as he had reportedly turned his phone off and was spending time in prayer.
— t.u.kelele
In the basement of the MSC, there is a broom closet that holds a secret society that is lesser known to the student body: the Texas A&M Ukulele Society. t.u.kulele is the founding member, consistently playing “Can’t Help Falling in Love” and “Nevershoutnever,” while avoiding all academic responsibility.