Not Enough Attractive Girls in Bible Study for Healthy Spiritual Environment
The future of a local Bible study is in question this week, as every man who regularly attends has come to the same conclusion: there are not enough attractive girls attending to maintain a healthy spiritual environment.
“I just want us to come together as a community to worship God and follow him,” said Craig Walters, a junior finance major. “It’s a lot easier to love your neighbor and exhibit the fruits of the spirit when you’re surrounded by some bangin’ Proverbs 31 women.”
“The girls in our bible study are beautiful, but, you know, mainly on the inside,” group leader John Otero said. “And this isn’t exclusive to them, us fellas leave a lot to be desired too. Most of us aren’t even six foot.”
When asked if the men in the group were seeking a spouse before their upcoming graduation, Otero said, “Nah, we’re just trying to set our minds on beautiful things, like it says in Philippians 4.”
The group has initiated efforts to recruit more of what they have referred to as “sexy sisters in Christ” and “curvy Christian coeds” through flyers and banner holding on campus. Members were recently observed in Rudder Plaza discussing how strange it is that Paul’s first epistle to the Corinthians skips straight from chapter six to eight.
— Baptism by Dryer
You can find Baptism by Dryer fervently shouting “Come my children, experience the Lord’s warmth!” as he rotates through every laundry room in The Commons. He has spent the last four years proselytizing to unwilling freshmen while they fold their laundry with headphones in. Most don’t register a word he says, but some have heard his gospel and emerged from the laundry room changed (though his followers do keep disappearing after he officiates their conversion). We keep him around, but only because none of our members have disappeared…yet.