SBP Candidate Announces Campaign Team of Diverse Strangers
As student elections approach, candidates for Student Body President (SBP) have begun announcing their campaign teams. In an exclusive interview with The Mugdown, SBP candidate Maddie Sharwell shared that she selected her staff for their ability to appeal to various student demographics, opting to ignore qualities such as character or leadership ability.
“The key to a successful campaign team is clout, not cohesion,” said election specialist Mason Mathisleemer. “It’s normal for a candidate to not have previously known their team members. An SBP hopeful is really just looking for a team that looks good from an overhead drone shot.”
According to Mathisleemer, a campaign team should represent various student groups. “The ideal composition is 35% minority groups, 25% corps, 20% machine, and 20% student athlete,” Mathisleemer said. “Just think of any college poster hanging in your high school counselor’s office.”
With elections taking place this Thursday and Friday, student organizations should expect campaign members to interrupt their meetings by awkwardly stumbling through their respective candidate’s three pillars.
— Maroon Gloat
Every single night before she goes to bed, Maroon Gloat plans her outfit for the next day. She gets cold easily and needs something to constantly insulate her. She has tried jackets, pullovers, and even shawls, but nothing keeps her warm like coats. One day, she discovered reds and purples looked best on her — specifically maroon. She wears maroon with such confidence that it’s now become her trademark. Rumour has it you can find her driving golf carts during campus tours… there’s even a football game honoring how good it looks on her.