Total Loser Claims “Southwood” Is Part of The Historic District
In a bullheaded attempt to fit in, Cynthia Berry boldly claimed to live in the Historic District Friday afternoon despite living at the corner of Welsh and Southwest Parkway, an entire half mile from the Historic District’s residential limits.
Hoping to participate in her friends’ conversation, Berry offered her home as the meeting place for tomorrow’s afternoon walk. “That’s so kind, but I think we should meet somewhere a little closer to…” said Alaina King, looking to Danielle Henson for help explaining Berry’s misstatement.
Current residents are not taking the news lightly, with some likening the statement to acts of fraud such as stolen valor. “It’s just not the same,” said a visibly upset Bradley Stills. “I worked hard to get here. I went out and met all the right people. Who does she think she is?”
Sources confirm that this is not the first of Berry’s social blunders, noting that last spring she mentioned her desire to have her own bedroom and bathroom, a comment that likely eliminated any and all chances of living in the coveted area.
—Homewrecking Crew
Gentlemen, lock up your girlfriends, Homewrecking Crew is out on the town tonight. He’s tall, brutishly handsome and has a smile that can melt even the most loyal of girl’s hearts. Rumor has it that making prolonged contact with those dreamy eyes can make a relationship that lasted since high school dissolve into obscurity. So if you’re hoping to give her that ring by spring, make sure you keep her safe from Homewrecking Crew!