Local Student Singlehandedly Saves College Station Home Improvement Industry
Local home improvement businesses have seen a dramatic increase in revenue over the past few months. The increased business has been predominantly driven by Sigma Alpha fraternity brother Blake Gooseman’s ability to destroy drywall in a fit of rage.
“I’ve been under a lot of stress, so I’ve had a pretty short temper lately,” Gooseman said. “When I get really angry, I just need to do something, so I take it out on the wall. After I’ve cooled down, I just call some workers the next day to come fix the drywall.”
“It’s a miracle,” said Charles Sloan, the owner of a local home improvement shop. “I’ve made more money repairing drywall in the last month than over the last five years combined.”
Gooseman’s outbursts are so frequent that the home repair industry in College Station has been completely revitalized. As a result, several new shops have opened up in town to capitalize on the phenomenon.
—Hazed and Confused
Alright, alright, alright. You may think the frat daddy that always sits in the back of your math classes with a blank look on his face is just a hungover idiot. Well, you’re wrong. After going through both fraternity AND corps hazing, this soldier deserves your appreciation. Next time you’re in class taking an exam and covering your paper so he can’t cheat from behind you, give him a little peek. If he fails this class, that means another 100 burpees from his pisshead.