Student Government Forced to Shut Down, Thousands Unaffected
After failing to pass a budget for the 2020-2021 fiscal year during last Wednesday’s session, Texas A&M University’s Student Government Association was forced to shut down until an agreement could be reached. While initial consequences of this shutdown were unknown, experts now predict that this failed government legislation will leave thousands of Texas A&M students unaffected in any way.
According to reports, spirits remain high on campus as constituents continue to give student government no thought at all. Statisticians anticipate that student concern about the SGA shutdown will show no significant trends within the next five weeks.
“What?” said senior Darren Blalack when asked if he was worried about how the student government shutdown would affect his daily life. Other students expressed similar disinterest and general ignorance of the event.
“We are working very hard to make things right,” said Student Body President Mikey Jaillet. “I know our constituents are counting on us to pass meaningless resolutions and promise reforms we have no power to enact. I refuse to let them down.” Members of Jaillet’s staff are currently crafting a detailed email concerning the shut down to send en masse to 68,000 student spam folders.
Though the length of the shutdown is currently unknown, officials have concluded that student life will continue with little to no change for the foreseeable future.
—Washboard Ags
Sure sure, we all know those muscle bound meatheads that infest weight rooms across the country, but here in Aggieland our dudebros are a little different. Instead of slamming weights and kicking nerds, our beloved Washbord Ags always has encouraging words to say or is there to spot you when you push a bit too hard. So if you ever see them at the rec giving the new folks helpful tips, be sure to buy them a smoothie to keep those Abs in proper Aggieland shape.