Student Wears Weather-Appropriate Clothing, Man Card Revoked

This past Thursday, sophomore Jonah Turner opted to wear full-length pants and a long-sleeved shirt underneath a sweatshirt. Turner topped off his look with a Texas A&M branded beanie and a thrifted flannel in a weak effort to follow the socially determined rules for winter fashion. Following review by the Man Council, which consists of one representative from each predominantly male social group, including fraternities, all-male “service” organizations, Corps of Cadets outfits, and other men’s special interest groups, Turner’s man card was revoked. 

With temperatures in College Station dropping rapidly in the past few weeks, many students have begun “sticking it to the weather” by wearing shorts and t-shirts with flagrant disregard for the temperature or wind chill. While it is not known exactly what compels students to assert their masculinity in this fashion, sources have speculated that it could be an attempt to attract potential partners or just general incompetence. 

“I don’t understand why they took my man card away,” Turner said. “Last time I wore a tank top in this weather, I got pneumonia. When I tried to bring that up in my appeal to the council, they called me ‘small’ and made me leave the section of the weight room they were meeting in.” 

When asked for comment, a representative for the Man Council provided data from a survey conducted by the Department of Statistics.

As shown above, 98% of students have found that it is not manly to show regard for your own personal health or comfort. The Man Council also issued the following statement: 

“We, the Man Council of Texas A&M University, have been charged with upholding the standard of masculinity at this prestigious institution. The following clothing has been set as the dress code for cold weather wear: 

• Any form of athletic shorts, not extending past the knee
• Any shirt with sleeves not extending more than 4 inches down the upper part of the arm
• Closed-toed shoes acceptable, open-toed shoes preferred, socks must not extend past the lower part of the calf
• Baseball and trucker hats are the only accepted headwear unless otherwise specified

Any attire found to be in disagreement with the dress code will be subject to review by the Man Council and is grounds for discipline and suspension or revocation of offendee’s man card. Jackets, beanies, gloves, and scarves are grounds for automatic revocation.”

It is expected that Turner will not be the only student stripped of his masculinity this winter as the Man Council begins to crack down on dissenters. 

—Flash it Back, Ags