Thursday, November 14, 2019
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


Second Coming Delayed Due to Lack of Parking

By Hullabaloo Balls , in Local News Popular , at October 10, 2019 Tags: , , , , ,

Jesus Christ of Nazareth was forced to delay his long-awaited “Second Coming” this week due to a lack of parking spaces on campus. Set to begin in Aggieland, The Rapture took roughly two thousand years to plan. It was foiled in the space of an hour by the unprecedented traffic surrounding on-campus parking. Like many other amenities, on-campus parking has failed to keep up with the continued growth that the university experiences each year.

 “This is such a load,” Christ cried out as he circled the lot in his Jeep Liberty. “I pay three hundred dollars for a lot 100 pass, and there’s not a single open spot. I swear to Dad, this happens every time I try and visit. First it was the inns in Bethlehem, and now this?

Despite the frustration, Christ acknowledged that the trip was not a total loss. “There’s actually some good that came out of all of this,” said Christ as he took a picture of the standstill five o’clock traffic. “We’ve been meaning to remodel Purgatory for a while now, and this has given me some excellent ideas.

The Rapture joins the list of events pushed to the wayside by lacking campus resources. Other notable examples include Y2K, which was canceled due to a campus-wide connectivity issues.

 

—Hullabaloo Balls