University Announces RELLIS No Longer Has Any Literal Meaning
On Thursday night, university authorities assembled reporters, student ambassadors, faculty, and others in Bethancourt Ballroom to begin what officials called “an exciting new chapter in Texas A&M’s history.” In an hour-long press conference, the administration announced that RELLIS, the acronym standing for the school’s core values, would no longer hold any literal meaning.
“This is not an event without precedent,” President Michael K. Young said. “In 1963, state legislators officially changed the name of the school from Texas Agricultural and Mechanical College to Texas A&M. Since then, the acronym ‘A&M’ has not represented an actual pair of words, but rather has celebrated the school’s past as an institution of agriculture and mechanics. In a similar vein, the Board of Regents and I have reviewed the core values of respect, excellence, leadership, loyalty, integrity, and selfless service and have decided that these concepts have more value as reminders of our roots than as actual tenets we stand by.”
The announcement was met with controversy by attendees. During the Q&A portion of the conference, thoughts on the decision ranged from condemnatory to lukewarm. Dr. Sandra Larson of the chemistry department said “[the decision] was a clear departure from everything that made the culture at A&M special”
Many students felt that the move was consistent with some of the administration’s recent decisions as well as with the perceived strategy of the university’s leaders. When asked for comment, Harry Daily said, “Oh, I guess that makes sense. I didn’t even know what RELLIS stood for anyway before all this. I only recognized it as that word on the wall of the soccer stadium.”
—Baptism by Dryer
You can find Baptism by Dryer fervently shouting “Come my children, experience the Lord’s warmth!” as he rotates through every laundry room in The Commons. He has spent the last four years proselytizing to unwilling freshmen while they fold their laundry with headphones in. Most don’t register a word he says, but some have heard his gospel and emerged from the laundry room changed (though his followers do keep disappearing after he officiates their conversion). We keep him around, but only because none of our members have disappeared…yet.