Corps of Cadets Releases “Suck It Up, fish” Campaign

Earlier this morning, the Office of the Commandant and Corps of Cadets announced the “Suck It Up, fish” campaign. This initiative is inspired by the idea that freshmen should just suck it up and put out like every other cadet has had to in the past 100 years

“The Corps has become unbelievably soft,” said a Major Unit Commander who worked on the campaign. “The other day a freshman came into my office to complain about a torn ACL. When I was a freshman, I broke both my femur bones and had mono while still maxing my PT test.” 

The new policy will reverse recent policies such as “Academics First” and “fish Have Rights Too.” The Commandant’s Office made the decision to announce the initiative on the first day of fish spurs (home-made spurs that freshmen wear the week leading up to the Arkansas game), a symbol that fully endorses the ethos that freshmen just need to get over it and be more red ass. 

General Ramirez ’79 was unavailable for comment. However, the Corps of Cadets website detailed multiple aspects of the campaign including the cancellation of Evening Study Time, the return of “good bull” outfit hazing, the reinstitution of freshmen tackling the yell leaders, and the removal of the “Academic Day.” Reportedly, donations from the Corps alumni organization “The Corps Sucks Now and Is Too Soft” (TCSNITS) have increased by 150% since the announcement. 

 

—Buffalo Wild Wags