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Student Officially Secure in Manhood Admits to Driving Toyota Prius

By Washboard Ags , in Local News , at September 17, 2019 Tags: , , , ,

Last Wednesday, Shawn Marquell, a senior marketing major from Pearland, Texas, announced to a group of friends and loved ones that he has driven a Toyota Prius since he was sixteen years old. For years, Marquell has claimed ownership of a blue 2015 Ford F-150, but on Wednesday he soberly admitted the truck actually belongs to his elderly next-door neighbor.

After procuring a girlfriend and raising his bench press max to 245 pounds, Marquell finally felt secure enough in his manhood to admit he does not own a truck. “It has been tough for me to come to terms with reality,” Marquell said, “but I think I’m finally ready to be who I really am.” 

Some of Marquell’s friends, still processing the news, told Mugdown reporters they were not ready to talk about it. Others in the friend group were open enough to give a short statement about Marquell’s revelation. “I always knew Shawn was a little bit liberal,” said Kolby Jamerson, a long-time friend of Marquell. “But a hybrid? I never expected Shawn to be that kind of guy.” 

Marquell is aware that the recovery process will be difficult, but he disclosed to reporters that as long as he keeps to his regular lifting schedule and supplement regime, his emotions should not get too far out of sync.  

 

—Washboard Ags