Monday, December 23, 2024
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


Campus Voices: Texas A&M Ranks First in Fortune 500 CEOs

By Maroon Gloat , in Campus Life , at September 13, 2019 Tags: , , , ,

A recent survey conducted by U.S. News & World Report revealed that there were more graduates of Texas A&M heading Fortune 500 companies than any other institution. What do you think?

“Of course these four extremely rare CEO success stories are fully representative of every student’s success at Mays.”
Lance Maddox Supply Chain Academic Advisor

 

“My Comfort Colors® feels baggier and my Nike shorts seem higher — and I only needed four Adderall today!”
Garrett Holcomb • PPA Student

 


“I don’t know why people are celebrating this. The job market is crazy right now, that’s four less jobs for me.”

Rodrigo Aceveds • Engineering Student

 


“Wait, can I put this on my resume?”

Maddison Blackburn • PREP Counselor

 


“That’s aMAYSing.”

Aggressive Mays Anniversary posters plastered across West Campus

 

“Who needs a CEO-style coach like Sumlin when we’ve got a winner like Jimbo who really works with his players. I don’t care about this CEO nonsense — wait, where’s Herman on this coach list?”
Anonymous A&M Football Booster

 

—Maroon Gloat