SAD Mays Students Reported

As summer approaches, many cold-blooded residents of Wehner High have begun to contract Bragging Insufficiency General Seasonal Affective Disorder (BIGSAD) due to withdrawals from their peers and the absence of praise from people impressed by the business school’s prestige.

Students infected with BIGSAD have been flocking to Beutel Health Center for treatment; however, many students have not seen improvements. Symptoms of the disorder can be treated by humble-bragging, but this method is proven to be less effective in the summer. This can be attributed to the isolation students experience during their seasonal migrations to rural summer camps and hometowns, where they often have trouble finding opportunities to talk about their organizations and summer internships.

“After people stopped asking about my summer internship, I found it hard to achieve the validation I needed to keep myself from getting BIGSAD,” said sophomore finance major Savannah Grayson. “I mean, it’s not tasteful to brag about my 4.0 is it?”

To relieve symptoms, Beutel has recommended that the affected post Instagram updates of their summer travels, reach out to old high school classmates still living in their hometown for lunch, and write weekly internship reflections on Facebook to garner congratulatory remarks from relatives.

Upper-level students and PPA members are increasingly being diagnosed with BIGSAD ever since they learned full-time employees at Goldman Sachs and Big Four firms were reportedly not impressed by the fact they learned Excel in ISTM 210 or that their 5k raised $6,000 dollars.

“During recruiting season, I could always brag about the free things companies gave me,” said Paul Nichols, a senior PPA student. “Now my boss sends me passive-aggressive emails, and I eat lunch alone. Business Honors didn’t prepare me for this.”

 

—Milidairy Walk