Corps of Cadets Holds Martial Arts Tournament to Determine Leadership

On Monday, the Corps of Cadets assembled its greatest warriors to compete in a martial arts tournament to the death to determine leadership for the upcoming school year. The new system, branded “Mortal Quadbat” by the Corps marketing department, is to act as a referendum to earlier leadership choices due to accusations that Quad-wide leadership is disproportionately made up of female students and students in Air Force outfits.

“Regardless of displayed leadership potential, outfits are always wary of receiving a commander from a different major unit,” said Corps Commander Adam Buckley. “After a lengthy debate among the Major Unit Commanders, Corps Staff has agreed that leadership can only be decided by blood combat. It’s hard to dispute key leaders’ abilities when they kill the opposition with their bare hands.”

While the tournament was originally beset with criticism that its violence would corrupt freshman, many students have since changed their opinion. “I had my doubts. I mean, it all seemed so gratuitous — like this Regiment guy did the splits and punched a guy square in the crotch,” said Garrett Hesse, a civil engineering sophomore and member of company P-1. “But then he uppercuts the guy’s head clean off and man was it awesome.”

The tournament also gives the Corps the opportunity to showcase talents in rising leadership that a traditional application and interview process cannot highlight, such as a candidate’s spear-throwing abilities and their ability to continue to fight after having their jaw shattered.

With the increase in leadership approval ratings, Mortal Quadbat will replace the current leadership screening process next year. Members of the Corps of Cadets are eager to see leadership be selected based on more than running ability alone.

 

—Space Cadet