Chartwells Employee Busts Senior-Led Meal Swipe Gang
A seasoned veteran employee at Sbisa Dining Hall reportedly busted a senior-led meal swipe gang Tuesday afternoon. The recent meal swipe bust came right before the onset of finals. Historically, the end of the semester has marked the time when meal-trade harboring freshman realize that it is mathematically impossible to eat 225 meals on a four meal per day restriction.
Multiple security cameras caught footage of upperclassmen waiting outside the steps of Sbisa to scope out freshmen students like Sabrina Meyers. “She just came up to me randomly,” Meyers said. “She asked if I knew about the guest swipes. I told her ‘no’ and she explained how I could swipe in a ‘guest’ at any time. So we walked in together and she took the lead from there. She even sat down with me after we got in. I hope I see her again.”
John Lewis, a sophomore math major, was conflicted about the situation. “I didn’t want my sophomore friends to know I have a meal plan,” Lewis said. He then described what happens to students who run out of guest swipes. “They just start cornering you. See, I was walking in with a friend after an intro-level accounting class and two of them came up to us. They offered to trade their notes for Accounting 229 if we swiped them in, but as soon as we swiped them in, they took off. And the worst part is they didn’t even add me to the ACCT 229 GroupMe.”
Chartwells employee Dorothy Parker recounted how she caught on to the scheme. “After the freshman swiped his ID, he dropped it,” Parker said. “That’s when I noticed an older student a few feet behind him. The younger student kicked the ID back to the older student, who picked up the ID and put it in his pocket.” According to Parker, she then checked the ID of the older student and saw it was identical to the ID of the boy who had checked in a few moments ago. “That’s when I decided to call university police,” Parker said.
In response to the incident, the University Police Department has issued a warning encouraging freshmen to contact UPD or a Corps Escort if they need any future assistance entering dining halls.
—Downton Aggie
Once placed in a camel clutch by a crack-happy Maggie Smith, Downton Aggie is your typical prim and proper young lady. A wayfaring stranger, an accomplished snake charmer, and a veteran in foreign affairs, Downton Aggie mostly keeps to herself. At any dinner table, this paradigm of politeness is sure to please esteemed guests with her impression of General Ramirez barefoot on hot pavement. Be careful though, there’s more to Downton Aggie than her sunshiney, predictable disposition and her taste for timeless elegance. She also has a pet calico cat named Julio!