25 by 25 Keeps Texas A&M Out of College Admissions Scandal

The past few weeks, news broke concerning the biggest college admissions scandal the nation has ever seen. Among the list of those involved were close to a dozen notorious and elite collegiate programs. Many people were shocked to learn that Texas A&M University had not made the list.

Upon learning about the amount of news coverage the University of Texas was receiving, Texas A&M students were furiously jealous. This led to a widespread protest against the A&M Admissions Board as to why their university missed out on a large PR opportunity. University Drive was shut down from Texas Avenue to Wellborn Road until 7:00 p.m. when Texas A&M UPD finally cleared the unruly students. Echoes of their chants could be heard throughout campus including, “Now’s the time to organize! Get our students in with bribes!” and “If they can’t get in with transcripts, get them in on scholarships!”

President Michael K. Young addressed the media following the students’ protest. “I’d like to begin by saying that Texas A&M proudly declined copious bribes to provide prospective students with admission to our great university. I am personally surprised that bribery was considered, seeing how easy we have made it to get in,” said Young.

“This is precisely why we started the 25 by 25 program,” said Young. “We don’t need bribes to lower the value of our degrees. This initiative is all about increasing our number of qualified and unqualified individuals.”

As the intent of the 25 by 25 initiative comes to light during this national collegiate scandal, students are considering if it may be better to bribe their way into the university as this may be the only way to separate themselves from other prospective graduates.

 

—Longboard of Regents