Aggie Spirit Saved: University Holds First Ever ‘Fish Purge’

Early this morning, Chancellor Sharp announced the first ever successful ‘Fish Purge’. During this event lasting 12 hours, students were allowed to conduct any activity that the state of Texas would usually describe as hazing. The ‘Fish Purge’ was the result of several years of lobbying from the board of regents.

“This is Texas A&M, most of our history is built on hazing,” said Tony Buzbee, Board of Regents member. “Just because somebody decided those storied traditions were against the rules doesn’t mean they don’t still happen under the radar. Last night, we gave the student body a chance to carry on our rituals without fear of reprisal.”

When the time came, the campus erupted into chaos. Unexpectedly, aside from one cadet being thrown out a window tied to a mattress, the Quad was relatively quiet. Most cadets were content to throw keg parties in their hallways and watch freshmen do push-ups in the showers. What medical teams were not prepared for were the number of lesser known organizations coming out of the woodworks to initiate their freshmen.

“This is a night I don’t think I’ll ever forget,” said Junior John Pirez. “Sure we expected this to be crazy, but I never expected to see the Aggie Hair Braiding Club jump into a fountain with their hair daisy-chained together— or a Bible study group forced to cite the entire book of Revelations from the top of the Academic Building.”

After the glowing review from current students, plans are already in place to repeat the event next semester. “Sure I was nervous,” said freshman James Bordson the morning after the event, “but I knew why I chose to come here and now I don’t have to listen to my dad complaining about how I was missing out on the A&M experience. It’s like I can finally say I’m an Aggie.”

The Mugdown reports that students can already be seen wearing “I survived Fish Purge” t-shirts throughout campus.

 

—Hazed and Confused