Commandant Responds to Attacks at Women’s Basketball Game

The Office of the Commandant was bustling with activity early this morning after the alleged activities that took place this past weekend. Following years of silence, the Commandant and his staff finally presented proof that the Cadet Liberation Army (CLA) is a reality.

The event in question occurred Sunday February 17th, during a Texas A&M Women’s Basketball game.  Hundreds of Cadets were required to attend this game, so Corps Staff suspected this would be a prime target for the CLA to facilitate Cadets’ early departure from the game.  In preparation, Corps Staff had several members posted at all potential exits in hopes of catching these mysterious cadets.

Within five minutes of the game starting, an unidentified Cadet began complaining.  He was allegedly heard saying, “I’m pretty sure I would rather write a 10 page report on paint drying than spend another second at this game.”  Within a minute, a group of cadets without any form of identification on their uniforms came and asked the complaining Cadet to go to the bathroom with them.  By the time Corps Staff had moved on the situation, the group had busted through an unattended emergency exit and leaped into a waiting truck. When questioned by Mugdown reporters, witnesses were unable to give any description of the alleged CLA members.

After being asked how Corps Staff would respond to this event, Corps Commander Adam Buckley said, “Despite our inability to catch them, this has given us very useful information into how the CLA operates.  We will be using the description of the extracted Cadet to find and question him.”  Although the Cadet has yet to be identified, he was described as being a white male who was roughly 5’10.  The Office of the Commandant has asked the student body to report any Cadets who look like they fit this description.

 

一 Hazed and Confused