50 Shades Khakier: The Sequel Nobody Asked for

Lieutenant Colonel Keagan was jolted awake by shouting from outside his office.  Disoriented, the Colonel brushed aside the bottle on his desk to get a look at his clock. After uttering a few expletives, Keagan rose to his feet. It seemed he had spent the night in his office again, an event that had become increasingly more common in recent months. Fortunately, by overseeing the current Cadets, he was able to relive his long lost youth and keep his thoughts away from his failing marriage. His reflections were interrupted by a volley of yelling from outside. After he muttered a few more expletives to himself and took another swig from the now almost empty bottle, Keagan lurched towards the door to see what was going on.

Upon stepping outside he saw the Corps outside for their morning formation, the daily ritual that reminds them that they were not in charge of their own lives. It brought a smile to his face thinking that all these blithe, virile kids were as miserable as he was. The flags were raised and the Cadets ran off to do their morning physical training, leaving the Colonel an hour to clear his ear–splitting headache. Soon, the Cadets returned to the Quad, now glistening with sweat and famished. They all trickled into the dining hall to eat eggs that had been prepared the night before.

The Colonel followed suit, though he had no intention of eating. Instead, he chose an empty table in the middle of the room and sat down. From here, he could observe nearly the entire Corps eat their breakfast. He could see those young, lucky bastards poison themselves with their Corps-provided food. The mere thought, let alone the sight of Cadets filling their bodies with glorified refuse, gave him more gratification than any paycheck the Corps could give him.  He had all but forgotten about his hangover as he peered through the crowd.

Soon, Cadets with early classes began to gather their things and leave. Like a hawk, the Colonel spotted a Cadet skulking out of Duncan with something in his hand. Upon further examination, he saw it: a bag of bagels. Keagan bolted up, trembling with excitement and sweating in anticipation. Despite being charged exorbitant amounts for meals that cost cents to make, students who take food out of the dining hall with them are, in fact, stealing from the university. This was his chance to get his revenge on these Cadets.

He stalked the Cadet outside, waiting for his time to strike. After a few meters, the Cadet noticed mouth breathing sounds coming from behind him and turned around.  “Uh, good morning, sir!” The now startled Cadet squeaked, unaware of the primal pounding he was about to receive. “Oh it was a good morning,” growled the Colonel, “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve got in your hand there?”  The helpless Cadet looked at the bagels in his hand then looked at the mass of fuming impotence in front of him, unsure of what to say. “What you’ve got there is university property,” snarled Keagan, “and I’ll be damned if I let my Corps turn into a bunch of thieving rats.”

The Cadet then received an onslaught of berating littered with choice four letter words.  After a couple minutes, the Colonel commanded him to get down on his hands and start doing push-ups. At first, the defenseless Cadet completed his push–ups in perfect form. However, much to the Colonel’s glee, his pace began to slow and his breath began to falter. Only a couple minutes later, the poor student’s hands began to bleed. Keagan’s rage was replaced by something far more stimulating. As he towered over the sweaty Cadet, his excitement began to hit the breaking point. The pain he saw in the Cadet’s eyes was a reflection of his own. After seeing the blood and sweat on the pavement, he couldn’t contain himself anymore. He ordered the Cadet to leave before he witnessed the volcano that was about to erupt in his pants. As the Cadet scurried away, the Colonel basked in wave after wave of euphoria. The combination of the authority he held over the submissive Cadet and the pain he inflicted made him delirious with pleasure. Strangely enough, that Cadet had put out more in 3 minutes than his wife had in the last 10 years. Grinning giddily, he stood back up and started walking back to his office.  “I need a drink,” said Keagan as he locked the door behind him.

 

—Hazed and Confused