Applebee’s Voted #1 Valentine’s Spot for Couples Just Going Through the Motions
College Station restaurant owners released a poll today, in which Applebee’s was voted the best Valentine’s Day spot in Aggieland for couples who are just going through the motions.
“While you’ll see plenty of couples who are still in love, a large portion of our restaurant is dedicated to those who know they’re in the final stretch,” waitress Annie Cortez said. Couples come to Applebee’s because it offers familiarity, something their relationship hasn’t had in months. The 2 for $20 deal means they can spend less on each other and more on themselves. The two dollar drink deals allow some patrons to drink enough to put up with their partner, while their partners can passive-aggressively count the number of drinks. Applebee’s has been aiming to gain a share of the millennial market for the past several years and contributing to their failing relationships is a part of that plan.
“Olive Garden has the old slogan ‘When you’re here, you’re family,’” said Applebee’s Manager, Andy Russo. “Here at Applebee’s, we like to say ‘When you’re here, you’re almost out of the relationship which has left you feeling like a husk of your former self.’”
—12th Man Card
12th Man Card is consistently losing his manhood, whether that be by skipping “Saturdays Are for the Boys” parties, drinking Michelob Lime Cactus or holding his girlfriend’s purse during football games. 12th Man Card is willing to sacrifice his manliness for love, leaving him with a constant turnstile of love interests that never seem to satisfy his romantic needs.