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Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


How to Tell if Your Friend is in The Mugdown

By Ring Chunks , in Campus Life Clickbait , at January 22, 2019 Tags: , , , , ,

The Mugdown is Texas A&M’s most famous group of highly trained satirists. After years in the intensive, soul crushing Mugcademy, they are constantly on guard about their secret identity. You will likely never figure out who they are unless you’re a CIA agent or very lucky. You’re actually more likely to be struck by lightning.

Many people foolishly think they can outsmart our best operatives. If you want to try your luck at exposing our most illustrious writers, read ahead at your own risk. As they say, the pen is mightier than the sword.

1. They are always sweaty.

Why are they so nervous? Do they have something to hide?

2. If your friend is a female, it’s a no go.

Women aren’t funny.

3. They always meet on Thursdays at 7 pm in MSC 2406.

Please don’t come to our meeting this week.

4. You have never doubted their heterosexuality.

T Bar M style, The Mugdown is proud to announce that no gays have infiltrated our ranks.

5. They order their Chick-fil-a sandwiches sans pickles.

No one else does this.

6. They deny being in The Mugdown.

At great personal risk, I will disclose that we don’t prepare our agents for waterboarding at the Mugcademy.

7. They write for The Battalion.

Really?

Good luck out there exposing your friends!

 

—Ring Chunks