8 Shocking Places that Elephant Walk REFUSES to stop

This past November, Class Council’s student led tradition, Elephant Walk, was changed so that students would not walk past the statue of Lawrence Sullivan Ross, who was a Soldier, Statesman and Knightly Gentleman.

However, the changes are far from complete. Here are eight more places that Elephant Walk will never stop at again.

1) The Statue of George H.W. Bush

Okay, fine, it’s a little out of the way. But still, this omission smacks of partisanship.

2) The Statue of the little kids by HECC

Yes, it’s an unsettling collection of lifeless children. But since when have we not done things FTK?

 

3) The Saw ‘Em Off Statue…or whatever it’s called

There are even women in this statue! Isn’t is sexist to not visit it? Class Councils told The Mugdown that the statue is too new to have been a tradition for that long, but my mom says she remembers it, so that settles that.    

4) The Christ the Redeemer Statue

Nope, this is much too “religious!” This could be “offensive!”

 

5) The Statue of Liberty

Lady Liberty may be holding a book, but she won’t receive a passing grade from TAMU Class Councils! They even got exasperated when asked about the reason for leaving it out, and declined to comment.  

 

6) This tribute to all TAMU horse girls

How much more wholesome does it get – victorious stallions leaping over the rubble of a toppled Communist regime?!  There literally might as well not be an Elephant Walk anymore…

7) This tasteful furry

This is how you know that all the “Diversity” hype with new traditions is bullshit.  If they are so inclusive, how come we aren’t stopping here?

8) This street performer painted to look like a statue

Apparently, it’s not okay for a human to appropriate a statue’s culture.

As you can see, future Elephant Walks will be completely devoid of real culture, thus rendering the tradition useless.  

—West Campus Mirage