Devout Student is Fine, Really

Last Monday, senior English major Keegan McGinnis was recorded stating that upcoming finals are not bothering him at all.  Despite having three ten-page papers due and four exams—none of which he has prepared for— McGinnis says his faith will suffice.

“I’m hecka relaxed. I will be fine no matter how my grades turn out,” said McGinnis.

Thanks to his life group, McGinnis says that he now knows how to handle stress through prayer and suppression. McGinnis told The Mugdown that he used to be extremely tense, often venting his frustrations via kickboxing classes. However, his recent conversion to a life of faith had necessitated a change. Rather than taking vengeful action against helpless inanimate objects, he now sits still and prays, redirecting his negative feelings deep inside of himself in introspection.  

Even McGinnis’ language has changed. “I used to cuss all the flippin’ time, but then I realized that swearing can fudge up my relationship with God. So while I might be thinking of something crappy, I just say the polished version, and God never knows the difference!”

While some of his friends from his previous secular life are worried about the change, McGinnis has complete confidence in his decisions.  “If I was so stressed that—and I swear, I mean promise, that I am not—I literally died, at least I would escape this Gehenna-scape and go straight into the Father’s arms.”     

When asked if he had scheduled an appointment with the Writing Center or if he would attend any of the supplemental instruction sessions for his classes, McGinnis said that his Bible study would be taking a trip to Sugarloaf Mountain, so he probably wouldn’t have time.    

 

一West Campus Mirage