Gluttonous Pig Opens Bag of Chips at Party
The jubilant atmosphere at Rebecca Leigh’s graduation party Thursday night was momentarily disturbed when some gluttonous pig opened a fresh bag of Doritos resting on a kitchen counter.
The repugnant bastard, whose relation to Leigh is unknown at press time, had spent the ten minutes before the incident listlessly sipping his beer and awkwardly stepping in and out of other’s conversations. Sources suggest these minor social interactions were merely a front to justify the disgusting swine’s access to the refreshment table.
Witnesses recount the sad sludge-lord approaching the assortment of snacks, noticing the unopened Doritos bag, passing over numerous healthy food options before him and tearing the plastic bag open like a ravenous raccoon. Onlookers could only watch in horror as the gormandizing sack of filth stood by the kitchen counter and ate from the very bag of chips he had opened himself.
This shameful scene of consumption continued for approximately four minutes after the bag was opened before the putrid slop-slinger was satiated. Party-goers attempted to hide their searing looks of judgment as the revolting ogre wiped his hands on his jeans and returned to the rest of the party.
—Hullakazoo
If you have ever attended Midnight Yell, you have unknowingly seen Hullakazoo. He marches in amongst the band wearing a Walmart army man Halloween costume whilst blasting his shrill kazoo into the midnight sky over Aggieland. You may hear his kazoo echoing down the halls of Evans library late at night, but you will never find him. Thankfully we are the only ones who could corner him and got him to join us and say some funny stuff every so often. The kazoo playing is really starting to bug us though.