Breaking: First Democrat Spotted in College Station
Yesterday evening, reports came in of a historical sight unheard of in the recent memory of the city: an open supporter of the Democratic Party was spotted living in College Station.
Jackie Holtzberg, College Station resident and the eyewitness who called in the sighting, described her experience in detail. “This woman just moved in across the street from me. Her car was parked in the driveway, and I noticed that not only did she stick a Beto O’Rourke sign in her lawn, she also had a 2012 Obama bumper sticker on her car. I even heard she graduated from t.u.”
Upon further investigation, it was confirmed that the individual does in fact live within the College Station city limit and is a registered democrat.
“It was then that I knew I had a real-life democrat as a neighbor. I was very shocked to see something like this—in College Station of all places!” Holtzberg said. “Living in such a conservative town, I didn’t think I would have to explain something like this to my kids so soon.”
While the implications of the sighting are uncertain, city authorities wish to remind citizens to stay alert, and always be aware of their surroundings.
—Mission Trippin’
In an act of rebellion against his high school youth pastor, he discovered and consumed some rather exciting fungi on a domestic mission trip to the southside of San Antonio. That same night, though, during a worship service, he felt a call to a transform the world for Jesus through humor, abandoning his one-time drug habit in favor of a more addictive act: stand-up comedy. You can catch Mission Trippin’ cracking clean jokes for audiences of all ages at any local open mic, or on his YouTube channel, “Pre-Rapture Laughter.”