Reveille Quits the Corps, Claims Old Army is Officially Dead
As the Corps of Cadets pushes on through the 2018-2019 academic year, it has undergone many idealistic changes that have trickled down through the cadet body. The Commandant, General Joe Ramirez ‘79, has called these changes a “Mindset Overload,” attempting to emphasize the professional development of the Corps, rather than the military aspect. These changes have caused The First Lady of Aggieland, Reveille IX, to quit the Corps, citing that “Old Army is officially dead.”
General Ramirez proposed Mindset Overload during the 2017-2018 academic year because, despite strong recruitment, the Corps of Cadets has experienced poor retention rates over the past five years. To combat this, the mindset change was implemented during this fall semester. As of the month of October, the change has resulted in the Corps having a 50% retention rate, the lowest since 1942, when many members dropped out to serve in World War II.
“The mindset overload is an innovative idea created through the collaboration of current and past staff. The Corps of Cadets will cease to exist if we do not maintain a retention rate of at least 95%. We’ve gotta keep donors happy and I’ve got to keep President Young happy. The only way to maintain 100% retention is to change our initial mission and allow all cadets, even those lacking leadership credentials, to succeed,” said General Joe Ramirez.
The First Lady of Aggieland claims these changes pushed her over the edge, causing her to quit the organization altogether. “What’s the point in being a part of something that offers no challenge? My predecessor, Reveille VIII, used to tell me these old army stories about how hard the Mascot Company [E-2] was, and I couldn’t wait to be a part of that. Then I joined this new ‘Corps’ and the only challenge that I faced is waking up every day to the same mundane routine,” said Reveille IX, translated by her Handler, Mia Miller ‘21.
Reveille isn’t sure what organization she will join next, but her decision to part with the Corps is final. She turned in her papers to quit last Tuesday and has already moved her belongings into Moses Hall. There are reports that she attended a triathlon team practice yesterday, citing that it will have the mental and physical challenges that she seeks.
—Buffalo Wild Wags
Wait… you’ve never eaten wings at Duncan before? Woe is you, because there is only one cadet crafty enough to finagle Buffalo Wild Wings delivery to the Quad at any waking moment. If starving cadets have ever woken up drooling to the scent of Hot BBQ or Mango Habanero, you could blame her, if you knew who she was. But don’t be too upset, we can’t convince her to bring any to meetings either.