Pathetic Self-Conscious Professor Requires Attendance
Recently, a group of students taking an introductory psychology class has started to wonder if the class’ attendance policy was put in place to boost the professor’s self-confidence. After realizing the class tests could be easily passed by studying a Quizlet flashcard set, the students began to question if they were appeasing a power-trip of the professor by adhering to the attendance policy.
“If the lesson was actually useful, I would to go to class. It’s not like I’m ever going to need to know this stuff again,” said Sandra Hendrickson, a freshman marketing major who will need to know this stuff again. Another student claimed that the class is all “common sense”, but retracted the statement after failing the second test.
Contrary to the theory spread amongst students about his need for approval, the class’s professor does not care if the students go to class. “Studies show time and time again that class attendance increases long-term learning,” said Professor Thaler. “I am just trying to nudge students into going to class and earning a few additional points.”
Despite claims made by Thaler, many of the students still believe the esteemed professor is an attention-seeking loser.
—12th Man Bowels
It’s the middle of the third quarter, and those nachos you ate after tailgating aren’t sitting too well. You can’t stand it, and you make the long trek to the nearest Kyle Field bathroom. You make it in the nick of time…but the water isn’t running! You’ve heard the legend of 12th Man Bowels…but is he real? If he is, will he answer? You call on him, but nothing happens. Just as you begin to despair, as if on cue, water burst through the pipes. Toilets flush, hands may be washed, and you know, even though you can’t see him, 12th Man Bowels is with you…he is always with you.