Class of 2018 “Not Feeling So Good” as Half of Old Army Dies

In the past few days, students across the country have realized that the impact made by the Class of 2018 is already halfway gone. Many graduates still in College Station thought that the other half went home, while the newly announced former students who returned to their hometowns assumed the same of their peers. 

“It feels like something—or someone—just snapped them out of existence,” said Nikki Fiori, a rising junior. Fiori noted that it was possible that the Class of 2018 moved on to their adult careers, but seriously doubted it. “I remember how important their legacy was to them. They really wanted to be the Guardians of Traditions.”

Prior to graduation, president of the Aggie Acrobatics Club Pete Park went on record to say, “I don’t feel so good about the direction of this org. I remember what it was like when we were just a friendly, on-campus athletic club.” Park voiced great concern about how “his” organization had devolved as younger classes rose to leadership.

Others shared this concern. Joey Haldanada, a former Impact Director, noted that the Class of 2021 had always seemed eager to get rid of their seniors. “The entire time I knew them, they only ever had one goal to wipe out half of what the senior class had accomplished,” Haldanada said.  

On graduation weekend, it appeared that the now-sophomores accomplished their goal.  With the combined power of the 8 Main-Campus ceremonies, half of Old Army was obliterated from Aggieland and pushed into the real world.  

However, half of the team still remains. PPA students, over-eager graduate students and the useless-but-we-keep-them-as-comic-relief late finishers are still on campus trying desperately to assemble.

5th-year engineering student Toni Strack told The Mugdown, “If we can’t save Old Army, then you can be damn well sure we will eventually start an endowment to make people think that we avenged it.”

 

—West Campus Mirage