Student Exiled from Agricultural Tribe after Being Exposed as City Slicker

Student Jonathan Waters faces exile from the Agriculture and Life Sciences Tribe following an investigation which outed Waters as a city slicker. Despite his best efforts to adopt the tribe’s customs, it did not take long for Waters’ true identity to be revealed.

Beginning a career in the school of Agriculture and Life Sciences was challenging for Waters. In an attempt to blend in, Waters wore camo Crocs and borrowed his roommate’s bright pastel fishing shirts. He read online agriculture news sources to pick up on common lingo used in the ag community and even tried to rush the popular mens’ agricultural fraternity, Alpha Gamma Rho (AGR).

“I wish I could say I chose Ag Economics because I was genuinely interested in it. In reality, I knew I could never pass CHEM 101,” Waters said. “I grew up in The Woodlands and had no idea everyone here had been involved in 4H or FFA. How was I supposed to tell them I didn’t have a collection of trucker hats?”

Waters’ true identity was kept secret until other students noticed his backpack lacked a cattle ear tag keychain, which was enough to raise eyebrows. Randy Dallas, an elder in the Agricultural Tribe, was open with his suspicion of Waters’ ag knowledge. “One time, I asked him to recite the first line of the FFA creed,” Dallas said. “His lips started to quiver and, in that moment, I knew he was a phony. I should have known when he didn’t have a belt buckle or thick stitched jeans that a city slicker had infiltrated our ranks.”

After short deliberation, elders of the Agricultural Tribe announced that the exile is effective immediately and includes several restrictions on Waters’ remaining time in the program. Though Waters is able to finish his degree, he is subject to silence from his peers and faces exclusion from Alpha Gamma Rho and any other ag-related social circles.

When asked by The Mugdown about where he would go from here, Waters explained that he is not the only one in exile. Waters now resides with a tribe of outcasts consisting of the entire Recreational Parks and Tourism Sciences program as well as several nutrition and food science majors.

 

— InterYellar and Mad Chaco