Students Burn All Books in Libraries to Make Room for Study Space
Early Wednesday morning, TAMU administrators arrived on campus to find students hauling thousands of books out of Evans Library and pouring them onto a massive pile on the polo field. President Michael K. Young shortly arrived on the scene, demanding to know who was behind the riotous vandalism.
Junior petroleum engineering student Blake Bletchley came forward as the mastermind behind moving the books. After President Young demanded to know what was happening, Bletchley replied that the students intended to burn every library book at Texas A&M to free up more room for study tables.
Bletchley, founder of the activist group, “Aggies for Burning Useless Things,” contends that using libraries as repositories for actual books is an outdated philosophy that should have stayed in the 20th century.
“I can’t think of anyone at this university in the past 15 years who seriously checked out a book from any library on campus,” Bletchley said. “It’s time to radically change how we view these buildings.”
He pointed out that massive bookshelves inconvenience students by taking up potential study space. Study spaces become scarce during exam season, Bletchley explained, and the university should do everything possible to fully utilize the space.
“You have all these jerks who only come to the library during exams, and they create a shortage of available room for everyone to pull all nighters and have mental breakdowns in public,” Bletchley said. “If we just took out all the books, we would more than meet the seating needs of every student needing to study at any time.”
Burning the books, according to Bletchley, was the easiest and most cost effective way to speed the process along, as well as a way to bring TAMU into the future.
“It is time we bring this place into the new millennium!” Bletchley said. “Everyone should just accept that everything you’ll ever need to know is online— there’s nothing we can learn from books anymore. They have no utility!”
Bletchley also told President Young to be on the lookout for his Facebook event, “Burn Night 2018,” expected to be the most eventful fire-related event of the year.
“I can’t wait to watch these puppies burn!” Bletchley said. “You’ll be able to see the fire all the way from space!”
—Fish Daddy
We really aren’t sure, but he’s definitely one of two things: 1) just an average marine biology major who loves his water bottle and spends a lot of time in Galveston; 2) the real-life inspiration for Disney Channel’s 1999 original movie The Thirteenth Year who has since discovered he can control his merman powers and survive on land for short periods of time in order to learn about his oceanic home and become an activist for Gulf Coast restoration projects. One of the two.