Miserable Banner Holders More Likely to Increase Event Attendance, Not Bother Students

A report published by the Journal of Consumer Behavior on Monday indicates a positive correlation between the high levels of a campus banner holder’s disdain for an event and the attendance of the event being promoted.

Spring semester brings an influx of organizational activities that require countless hours of banner holding on campus. We reached out to students promoting a variety of events in order to understand the ways sign holders differentiate themselves and better promote their event.

“I really get the best vibe from the people with a dead and distant look in their eyes,” said Roberta Johnson, a sophomore communications major. Johnson expressed her dislike for banner holders who attempt to communicate with her personally. “It honestly pisses me off when people try to hand me fliers or tell me about their philanthropy. Like, I went on a mission trip last year, I don’t really need to hear about orphans and stuff,” Johnson said.

Although contrary to the evidence of the report, leaders of student organizations across campus continue to encourage members to yell louder, throw more flyers, and play more music at their posts. Instead of spreading awareness, though, many students would argue that these banner holders are simply spreading resentment.

Students appear to be especially attracted to banner holders who are fully-invested in their phone instead of their banner duties. “When the holders are on their phones, I know that they won’t try to stare me down and guilt trip me into attending their event,” said Norman Harvey, a senior petroleum engineering major. “When I’m being fully ignored by the holder staring at their phone, I feel much more inclined to go that event,” Harvey said. Harvey is not alone in his feelings, as studies show that 9 out of 10 undergraduate students report that a less joyous holder will increase their odds of event attendance.

Students residing in dorms surrounding The Commons Promotional District are the primary outliers in this study. “The souls of these residents have not yet become cynical enough to develop a sense of loathing towards banner advertisement when compared to  those doing the holding,” reports the study.

 

­­­­­– Koldus & Cream