Corps of Cadets to Install New Complaint Box at the Bottom of Lake Bryan

In a press conference last Friday, leaders of the Corps of Cadets announced that, in an effort to open up communication between cadets and their leadership, an official complaint box will be installed at the bottom of Lake Bryan.

“Communication is the key to success in any large organization,” said Brig. Gen. Joe Ramirez, Commandant of the Corps of Cadets, “For that communication to be effective, it needs to be two-way. While there seems to be no problem sending information down to cadets, we seem to have run into roadblocks in receiving feedback from the cadets.

“While in a corporate or military environment a proper chain of command would be used to bring complaints and suggestions from the bottom up, I have noticed a bottleneck at our rising leaders.”

In an effort to better understand this problem, the Commandant’s Office has conducted a study on the failure of complaints to reach the highest levels of Corps leadership. The study concluded that critiques of the Corps of Cadets are replaced by support for new policies after being received by those who need the explicit blessing of the Commandant Staff to obtain key leadership positions. Unfortunately, the study was unable to determine a root cause for this trend, prompting the development of a complaint box at the bottom of Lake Bryan.

Senior accounting major and member of Corps Staff Joan Tylerson sat down with The Mugdown to explain the new process: “It’s really simple. All a cadet has to do is write their suggestion on a piece of paper, drive out to Lake Bryan, rent a boat, find the suggestion box using SONAR, dive down the forty feet to the lake floor, and place the suggestion in the box.”

While there have been mixed feelings towards the new system, it has received near-universal approval from Corps Staff, who believe it will be pivotal in ensuring a cadet-run Corps of Cadets. The only objection presented was that such a streamlined communication method might cause trivial complaints—physical fitness standards or the dismantling of outfit culture, for example—to choke out necessary suggestions about issues like the shortage of required basketball games.

The initiative is set to replace the previous method for posting complaints by mailing in a form to a post office that has been closed since 1957. The underwater complaint processing system is expected to be installed when the funding that is currently used for on-campus construction is freed up.

 

—Space Cadet