Student Skips Class, Inadvertently Allows Rise of Next Totalitarian Dictator

Last night, Garrett Junger forgot to set his alarm and will inadvertently cause America’s first dictator to rise to power. Without knowledge of the dystopian future he set into motion by hitting “end” rather than “snooze,” Junger’s decision, alone, will influence the entire course of history.

Adam Salomon left for his 8 a.m. class, slamming the door behind him nearly loud enough to wake his roommate. Junger rolled in his bed, just a few decibels away from saving the entirety of the western world from collapse. Meanwhile, the next perpetrator of North American genocide took Junger’s seat in class at the front of the room.

Tossing in his sleep and almost waking himself up, Junger, instead, kept his eyes shut through the twilight of freedom and liberty. The sole savior of democracy continued to dream about showing up to his final exam without a Scantron.

From his new seat, the future despicable tyrant was finally able to hear the professor, which gave him the knowledge to get a barely-passing grade on the final at the end of the semester. The butterfly effect of one college freshman’s decision to skip class will eventually allow for the rise of America’s first authoritarian figure.

The entirety of campus was none the wiser at the events that unfolded this fateful morning. Courtney Razer, a sophomore accounting major, was too concerned that stepping on a crack would jinx the Aggie basketball team. Other students were concerned about whether their actions would cause a new football recruit to decommit or their next tweet to go viral.

The downfall of modern America will occur because a nineteen-year-old failed to attend class. If only Junger had mustered the strength to attend POLS 206, he would have been responsible for all of our salvation.

 

– Netflix and Drill