Failing Infrastructure Signals the Fall of the Aggie Empire

Texas A&M University exists as individual colleges working in unison to advance the cause of the Aggie Empire. This unified effort has stimulated the growth of the Aggies in fields such as research and athletics, and has pushed A&M’s borders all the way to Galveston and Corpus Christi. But now the glory days are gone, and the current state of the Empire does not bode well for its future.

Great roads that once stretched across the city are now crowded and pockmarked with potholes that inhibit their usage. Seasonal rains flood the streets and redirect the passage of Aggies across campus. Construction projects are prolonged, and some projects begin before others are finished, leaving the campus into a perpetual state of construction. The Aggie Spirit Chariot system has been unable to provide Aggies with passage across the empire as promised.

Many have noticed that the shift in funds toward the sports programs and sports venues, rather than infrastructure, is indicative of something more ominous. “I think the money flooding the athletics program is to distract citizens from the inevitable collapse of campus,” said Nicholas Agricola, a junior biomedical sciences major. “They’re spending money on bread and circuses to hide the problem, because they recognize that the decay can’t be reversed.”

Many students believe the failing conditions across campus have turned the colleges against one another. “Without sports to distract us, we were able to pay attention to the differences between the colleges,” said Cato Arellius, a senior finance major. “Every brick and tile laid during the eternal construction of the Glasscock building could have been used to fix the parking lots by Wehner. It isn’t hard to imagine the problem going away if they just allocated money from the less desirable colleges to meet the campus’ real needs.”

Mounting tensions between groups has caused citizens from the engineering district to raid the liberal arts district for supplies. “We wanted to show that our rights come first and [liberal arts students] are subservient to us,” said Alexander Sulla, a junior computer engineering major. “If the university system cannot provide for us, we will take from the lower classes what should be ours. Our college will survive, university system or not.”

Some are still hopeful that the Aggie Empire can recover from this dark time, and prevent the coming institutional collapse. Otherwise, a barbaric burnt orange horde threatens to dismantle Aggieland’s borders.

 

– Netflix and Drill