Gym Rat Flashes Six-Pack While Removing Sweater
On Monday morning, an entire class of 60 students stared in awe as sophomore Jefferson Steel removed his pullover jacket, revealing his shredded six-pack abs. In an attempt to adjust to the classroom’s thermostat setting, Steel exhibited to his classmates that some people do stay fit in the winter. “It was so unexpected,” said Summer Strong, freshman communications major. “We all sat there and expected to laugh at Jefferson exposing his flabs, but it caught us off-guard that he was so ripped.” According to eyewitnesses, it might have even been an eight-pack.
Reporters heard Steel boasting about the occasion the next morning in the Rec. “Yeah, I wish I had worked on my obliques just a little more before it happened, but I think yesterday was a good preview for spring break,” said Steel. Steel has continued wearing his pullover-style jackets to class and plans to until it is too unbearably hot outside.
Anyone interested can find Steel at Gulf Shores this coming spring break for the final reveal.
—12th Man Bowels
It’s the middle of the third quarter, and those nachos you ate after tailgating aren’t sitting too well. You can’t stand it, and you make the long trek to the nearest Kyle Field bathroom. You make it in the nick of time…but the water isn’t running! You’ve heard the legend of 12th Man Bowels…but is he real? If he is, will he answer? You call on him, but nothing happens. Just as you begin to despair, as if on cue, water burst through the pipes. Toilets flush, hands may be washed, and you know, even though you can’t see him, 12th Man Bowels is with you…he is always with you.