Two Friends on Moped Make Immense Effort to Not Touch Each Other
It is not uncommon to see two students carpooling on a single moped, especially on roads surrounding the Texas A&M University campus. Common moped safety standards require the individual on the rear to wrap their arms around the waist of the driver. However, two male students were recently spotted driving along George Bush Drive on a moped; the male in the back, Cooper Ver Neeson, tried his best to remain upright while not touching his driver, in an effort to uphold his masculinity.
Ver Neeson, a fifth-year construction science major, and Chad Burman, the driver, know each other through their shared fraternity, Delta Theta Epsilon. “Everybody drives on George Bush,” said Ver Neeson. “If I’m seen wrapping my arms around another dude, people might, you know, get the wrong idea. There’s this girl in Kappa that I’ve been eyeing, Cara Carmichael, and that would all be thrown away if I was seen participating in moped touching.”
Ver Neeson and Burman fortunately arrived at their destination on Northgate unscathed.
To prevent further moped safety violations, an awareness group called “One Moped, Two Passengers” has begun lobbying Brazos County to implement a two-hand contact policy for moped passengers.
“Similar to the hands-free communication ordinances for drivers in College Station, moped passengers will be required to have two points of contact with the driver,” said One Moped, Two Passengers president, Kyle Reagar. “Our main goal is to prevent moped violations, and provide a safe road environment for fraternity brothers and moped chicks alike.”
“Better to lose your man-card than lose your life.”
Whether the policy will be implemented has yet to be determined by the county or city governments, but the reasons for enacting the law are extensive. Moped safety violations have doubled in the past two years and quadrupled in the last four, according to a recent study by One Moped, Two Passengers. The organization’s slogan captures their mission statement and purpose in a single line: “Better to lose your man-card than lose your life.”
—Buffalo Wild Wags
Wait… you’ve never eaten wings at Duncan before? Woe is you, because there is only one cadet crafty enough to finagle Buffalo Wild Wings delivery to the Quad at any waking moment. If starving cadets have ever woken up drooling to the scent of Hot BBQ or Mango Habanero, you could blame her, if you knew who she was. But don’t be too upset, we can’t convince her to bring any to meetings either.