B/CS Residents Demand Second Big Event to Clean Up Gameday Mess
Last Thursday, College Station resident Dorothy Madders spoke at the College Station City Council Meeting demanding a Second Big Event for the fall semester. Despite The Big Event being a Texas A&M University committee, many locals have complained that students partying during Aggie gameday weekends has resulted in lots of beer cans, trash, and bottles in their residential neighborhoods.
“The amount of garbage I have to pick up from my yard on Sunday mornings is too damn high!” said Madders to the council. “We need these students to do The Big Event in the fall in addition to the spring!”
Madders provided exhibits A and B (below) as evidence of her call to action:
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
University students have expressed a negative reaction to a 2nd Big Event. “I already have to sacrifice one of my mornings in the spring. What makes the old people think I want to clean up after myself in the fall?” said Candy McDonald, a junior ag economics major.
Since 1982, The Big Event has been a way for the student body of Texas A&M to say “Thank You” to the residents of Bryan/College Station. Back then, one annual Big Event was enough to satisfy the Bryan/College Station residents from the burden left behind by a student population of 35,000. Now, with the number of students nearly doubled, B/CS locals find it only fair that the number of Big Events get doubled, too.
“It doesn’t help that the football team has been so bad recently,” said Jim Burgandy, a Bryan resident and supporter of Madders’ initiative. It has been theorized that poor football performance over recent years has increased student alcohol consumption and house parties in order to “cope with defeat.” A survey conducted at the Historic District found that, over time, the worse the Aggie football team has performed, the more beer can trash per yard in the Historic District has occured:
*2017 number of wins estimated by Mugdown Analytics
Per Madders’ proposal to the City Council, the Second Big Event would take place next Saturday—arguably too short of a time period to cover all logistics. When Madders was asked why such a short turnaround, she commented, “I need these students to also hurry up and repaint my porch before it gets too cold to enjoy!”
—Good Bullogna
Her ascent to the highest social class began in first grade, when she consistently brought the coolest lunch—Lunchables—to school each day, toting them in her Vera Bradley lunchbox. Never mind the fact that she only had Lunchables because her parents were too busy working high-stress careers to make her anything else, and she only had a Vera Bradley lunchbox because her parents bought her name-brand items to distract from their lack of engagement in her everyday life; Good Bullonga turned out just fine, if you ignore her crippling abandonment issues.