President Young Caught Without Human Suit, Exposed as Lizard King

In a shocking turn of events, President Michael K. Young was caught in his office in his true form as the Lizard King. Surprised by his secretary who forget to knock, President Young was seen on all fours scurrying around his desk with his human skin suit laid haphazardly on the floor. President Young, upon being discovered in his reptilian form, reportedly hissed and flicked his tongue at his assistant.

“He always did act strange,” said Marissa Alvarez, the assistant who outed Young as a reptile. “Instead of coffee, he requested I bring him worms every morning, and anytime I went into his office I found him lounging on a boulder under an industrial-sized heat lamp. Obviously being the Lizard King makes the most logical sense”

As the news of President Young’s lizard status went viral, certain campus groups have taken a stand. “I knew it all along,” said Leonel Green, founder of the Aggie Cryptoid Society. “I swear I saw him one night crawling into the steam tunnels. I bet that’s where the rest of his tribe lives.”

Green’s position on the steam tunnels seems well-supported, as the underground system was preserved during the ongoing campus renovations. The shocking discovery of President Young’s true nature gives a plausible explanation as to why the steam tunnels were not demolished or repurposed for some other use. “They always told us the steam tunnels were dangerous, but now I know it’s where the eggs are kept until they are hatched and able to come above ground,” said Green.

Other students say they saw the signs in his communication difficulties. “President Loftin was always giving speeches and visiting with students,” said Imman Kant, a senior industrial distribution major. “The fact that most of our interaction with him was through email created a barrier between him and the university. Now, that layer of protection makes sense: it was to avoid detection.”

This morning, Mr. Young sent out a campus-wide email with the following message:

“Dear Students,

The future is now, and the future is lizard. I am the ruler of the underground, guardian of my people. I am the Lizard King. I can do anything!”

 

— Lil’ Event