God’s Traffic Jam This Tuesday at 9PM
Breakaway Ministries announced today that its weekly traffic jam will be returning to West Campus this Tuesday night.
Many participants in Breakaway cite this traffic as essential to their spiritual development. “Sure, I could worship Jesus on my own, but nothing beats learning to intentionally guard my heart during a frustratingly slow drive out of a parking lot,” said Christian J. Christos, junior Business Honors major.
Furthermore, guidelines released before the event emphasize its relevance to the spiritual development process. The official website encourages students to avoid carpooling at all costs and instead utilize every possible parking space in Lot 100.
Breakaway is noteworthy for its unique customs. For example, there is a well-known tradition of taking unusually long amounts of time at four–way stop signs, specifically at the intersections around the corners of Reed Arena. The expectation of Biblical kindness causes students to avoid rudeness at all costs, and this means waiting a full three seconds to drive forward until after the driver has been given right away.
Other customs include excessive displays of Christian beliefs. “We live in an age of personal branding” said freshman engineering major Jayden de la Rentas. If people see you as one thing, you are that thing. This is why I utilize my Breakaway backpack tag every day.”
Breakaway Ministries is a non-denominational Christian traffic jam, and usually meets to drive slowly once a week.
—Howdy Boo Boo
She had all the makings of a star. Her natural extroversion, her flare for drama, and ability to cry on demand from a young age made her a promising candidate. However, a cruel twist of fate derailed her acting career, and she decided to make her life (and by extension, our lives) a living reality show. She never stops talking in meetings, but she puts out content as melodramatic and helplessly extra as her, which is a plus…right?