Mays Claims Independence and Tries to Sublease West Campus

The rift between business students and the rest of campus has been growing deeper and deeper in the past couple of years. Now, after watching Catalonia’s attempted secession from Spain, students from Mays Business School and the surrounding areas have decided that now is the time for change. Starting Spring 2018, West Campus will no longer be a part of the university.

Last weekend, West Campus held a referendum on whether or not to escape the dull burden that is Main Campus. Though the student body held a great variety of opinions on whether or not to leave, students opposed to secession lacked the fervor of pro-secession candidates. Thus, almost every vote cast was in favor of secession.. Due to this apathy from non-business majors, Mays Business School has become the new capital of West Campus, leaving the rest of the territory to wonder how they got bundled up in this mess.  

University officials claim that Mays and West Campus do not have the resources to stay independent for long. However, many business students obnoxiously disagree.

“Our finance majors ran the numbers, and we estimate that without the burden of main campus weighing us down, we can survive long enough to become our own public university. ” said Brett Larson, a senior management major. Larson claims that Mays has everything they need to be an independent school and get as far away from main campus as physically possible.

The logistics of how the new territory would run under autonomous rule were drawn up earlier this week. At the top of the hierarchy are the Business Honors elite. They will be the chief executives and board of directors for the newly independent territory. Funds will be controlled by the finance and accounting majors while they are babysat by the PPA students. The management majors will make up the established bureaucracy, filing paperwork and constituting the majority of the workforce. In order to gain supporters, marketing majors will be working around the clock to keep Mays’ image in good standing with students.

“Everybody forgot about the supply chain and MIS majors, so it was awkward at first, but we let them be in charge of resources and our IT department just to shut them up,” said Larson.

One of the main problems with trying to secede from Main Campus is the creation of new boundaries. Arguments about borders and fencing have caused many violent outbreaks to occur near disputed areas. Officials have tried to get the Department of Geology to settle differences about where each side thinks the line should be, but many geology students claim that’s not what they do at all.

This has led Mays to try and get rid of their responsibility of West Campus all together. Ads from the business school to sublease West Campus have appeared on Facebook pages and bulletin boards, but trying to sublease has proved more difficult than previously thought.

Reports of The University of Phoenix taking over the lease have been spreading but nothing has been confirmed yet. Mays has also been looking to move elsewhere, and talk of buying Baylor’s campus has grown, since it is virtually worthless at the moment. Other options include the Astroworld parking lot in Houston, or taking over the Texas A&M Galveston campus by force.

 

—Whoop-Tang Clan