Student Convicted of Thoughtcrime for Opinion on Campus Life

Last Wednesday, senior journalism major Winston Smith was convicted for his Thoughtcrime. Smith was reported to the Ministry of Tradition after his roommate overheard him agreeing with his father—a former student—and his thoughts on a current issue on campus.

The opinion that Smith shared with his father was not in line with the current belief of students on campus and he was swiftly reported by his roommate and Texas A&M patriot Syme O’Brien. “Winston’s mistaken belief that students should say ‘Howdy’ on campus does not align with the opinion the rest of campus shares,” said O’Brien, a senior English major. “I recognized his views violated the decision reached by the ministry and reported him. Opinions like that belong on TexAgs, not campus.”

The hard work of the students within the Ministry of Tradition ensures that all students share the correct views about campus life. The movement to create the ministry originates from issues students had when comparing their beliefs to those of former students. Many students were unsure of how to handle the opinions of former students, though they felt secure in the fact that their status as a current student made their views more correct.

The official aim of the ministry is to ensure uniformity of thought in what constitutes an Aggie. “The goal of the Ministry of Tradition is to ensure that all students feel confident in knowing that their opinions on campus life, traditions, or current events on campus, are the correct ones,” said Julia Oruell, a senior history major and Head Minister of the Ministry of Tradition. “If a number of students hold a different opinion and are convicted of Thoughtcrime for the collective, then so be it.”

The popularity of the Ministry of Tradition has allowed it to become a dominant force on campus, with the Corps of Cadets, Student Government, and Greek Life all becoming ardent supporters of it. “Once the sororities joined the propaganda division of the ministry, it was all over,” said Madisen McAfee, a junior mechanical engineering major. “Between the banner holding blitz and t-shirt campaign, not a student was left to oppose the ministry and their interpretations of student life.”

Students are still nervous that letting only current students dictate the “right” and “wrong” of A&M might mean being labeled bigoted former students in the future for the views they hold about campus today.

– Netflix and Drill